Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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