I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
