Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
operation harelip BJ is a go
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
