Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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