The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy