Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
