Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?