My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.