I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
