i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
