I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
