Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
