my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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