You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
