My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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