I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
