i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
