please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
