yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
