she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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