I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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