But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
