Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the liver wants what the liver wants
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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