I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
