I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
