are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
