I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
