Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
