im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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