New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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