i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
