Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
