I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
