well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
