I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
