I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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