Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize