stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
