he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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