If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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