I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
