just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Found the puke drawer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
