THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
