they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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