just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize