I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize