what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
