dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Porn is love you can see.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
