2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
