I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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