Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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