I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
