Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
