if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
