I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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