Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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