based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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