Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
