I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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