I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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