She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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