I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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