OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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