Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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