Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this just has baby written all over it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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