i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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