She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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