I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
