Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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