thus making me awesome and them whores
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
