you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
